A Letter To My Fertile Loved One

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This is a letter to the fertile women in your life from their infertile loved one.

Dearest Loved One,

I wanted to write you today because I heard you are expecting again.  This news fills me with sadness, envy, jealousy, and joy, I promise, there is joy.  Please know that I love you and in no way blame you for my pain and anguish.  I fully recognize and own my issues around my Infertility.  This letter is more for my own healing and in no way takes away from the joy I feel for you and the news that you’re expecting again.

When I heard the news that you were expecting again my heart sank.  I immediately felt jealousy because it is so easy for you while I have spent countless lonely moments in tears because my period has come yet again.  I am envious that you merely had to decide you wanted another child and it happened.  I also feel like a horrible person because I know I took some of the joy out of your moment because you worried about how your news would make me feel.

I have never known what it feels like to just get pregnant and likely never will.  I’m grateful that you have never had to feel that pain because it truly is a debilitating feeling.  I’m grateful to have someone like you in my life.  Someone who does all they can to try to understand and be there for me.  Someone who listens to me voice my frustrations and sometimes just cry.  Your love and friendship means the world to me that is why it saddens me to think that I may be the cause of any worry or anguish in the face of your joyful news.

A letter to a fertile loved one from their infertile loved one.

Please forgive me for needing space and time to process your news.  I need time to let the pain pass. I will need time to muster up the joy because it’s sometimes hard to fight through the sadness.  I wish I could be that person that squeals and smiles and hugs you tightly when you deliver your happy news.  You have no idea how much I wish I could be that person.  That is not where I’m at though.  Please never doubt that despite all of that, I do feel joy for you and once I’ve fought through all of the other garbage I will be there to share in your joy.

Please know that I am happy for you and I will be there, smiling and loving your little angel when they arrive in this world.  I will do my best to hide my envy, jealousy and pain because I love you and I don’t want to take any joy away from you.

So to my fertile loved one, thank you for honoring and respecting my pain.


Infertile Me

P.S. If this post resonated with you then check out some of my other posts on Infertility.  They outline our journey with Infertility and the struggles I have had.

The E Word: Endometriosis

There Is Hope After Heartache | Endometriosis, Infertility, Baby!

How Do You Know When To Accept Your Infertility?

A letter to a fertile loved one from their infertile loved one.


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15 thoughts on “A Letter To My Fertile Loved One

  1. (((Hugs)))
    It’s always a hard situation.
    When we were still trying and problems looked like we may never conceive I was always so positive about other people’s pregnancies. I felt deep down that my time would come.
    But when my ex sis in law fell pregnant during a rocky time in her marriage… she never failed to rub it in my face… she mc’d which is never a good thing . But deep down I was glad. Not for the loss of her pregnancy but because elastoplast babies are never the answer…. see. She became my ex sis in law shortly after.
    We were blessed twice after that though.
    But I never forget the emptiness I felt before it actually happened.

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Thanks Ritu. I am a strong believer that things happen for a reason as well. I feel like I’ve moved passed the worst of it but it still pops up from time to time. I have finally gotten to a place where I am happy with the family we are though. 💕

      Liked by 1 person

  2. Oh, Tasha…I remember the days of hearing about the pregnancies of friends and relatives, of attending baby showers for those girls (some of whom were in their fifth pregnancy), and listening to the stories of how being pregnant felt and about the experience of holding her newborn baby. I was so jealous, hurt, and confused about why these women couldn’t resist sharing it all with childless me.
    Now I have my own (adult) kids and even grandchildren but I still recall the pain of those many years of being the girl who couldn’t get pregnant. You’re in my heart and in my prayers.

    Liked by 1 person

  3. This made me cry. Almost at 2 years of ttc and lost an ovary in the process. My friend could have sworn I’d be pregnant by now. Since then she has had 2 kids and is pregnant with another. Our relationship has fallen apart due to my infertility. It just outright HURTS.

    Liked by 1 person

    1. I’m so sorry. The pain of watching the ones you love fall away is unimaginable. I’m sorry you have had to go through that. The pain of Infertility is very misunderstood by those who have never experienced it.

      Liked by 1 person

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