At 6:30 a.m. you officially said goodbye to 4, and your babyhood, and said hello to 5. As I type this I’m holding back the tears, okay I’m not holding them back at all, they’re pouring down my face. Your mama is a crier, I just can’t help it. This birthday makes me a little sad because I just can’t believe it has been 5 years since you entered my life and made me a mommy. To me, 5 means you’re no longer a baby but a big girl now. The days are long but the years are short truly takes on meaning once you become a mother. It’s not all sad, though, mostly, I’m so very excited for you and proud of the little girl you are becoming. So, in honor of your 5th birthday my angel I wanted to share a few thoughts with you.
The day I found out I was pregnant with you I couldn’t believe it. Literally, I didn’t believe it. Your daddy and I had waited so long for that magical + sign to appear that when it finally did I thought for sure that God was playing a cruel joke on me. It wasn’t until 3 days later (7/5/2011 to be exact) when the doctor confirmed that little stick I had peed on wasn’t lying that I truly let the reality of this news sink in. That, my sweet girl, was the moment I became a mommy, your mommy. Should you grow and want to be a mommy, I pray that you get to experience that moment because it’s an amazing feeling.
For the next 38 weeks, you and I grew together, literally, but also emotionally. We got to know each other in the way only a mother and child can in those first 9 months. The first time I felt the little flutters of you moving inside my womb was magical, for lack of a better word. As you grew you never shied away from reminding me that you were there, especially when I had taken much too long to eat between meals or when I was lying down to sleep for the night. And true to who you are now, you did what you wanted and showed up 2 weeks earlier than mommy was prepared for. The moment you were placed in my arms everything else disappeared and all that was there were you and me.
Over the past five years, you have taught me more about myself, my weaknesses and my strengths and more about perseverance and unconditional love than I ever could have imagined. Being your mommy has shown me a joy I could never have imagined (hearing you laugh and smile and grow) and there has also been more frustration (on both our parts) than I ever thought possible. Being a parent pushes you to your limits and strips you down to your most basic self. You are shown all of your best and worst traits, mirrored through the eyes and actions of your child. You have been no exception to this.
I witness my stubbornness and impatience through you every day but I also see your intelligence (of course from me. 😉 j/k daddy), your fierce independence and your silliness (definitely from your daddy). You love to make people laugh and you defend the ones you care about without apology. You are growing into an amazing little human being and I can’t wait and simultaneously dread watching you continue to grow. The struggle of being excited about witnessing who you will become and the sadness of letting go of the baby you were is something I wasn’t prepared for. Being a mommy, being your mommy has made me feel like I’m living on a crazy emotional roller coaster. That’s not a bad thing, though, mostly. 😉
So today, my angel girl, as we celebrate you and the amazing little person that you are growing into I want to say, thank you. Thank you for choosing me as your mommy. Thank you for the drive you give me to become the best version of myself so that I can be the best mommy I can be for you. Thank you for the joy and laughter you bring to not only my life but everyone’s life that you touch. Thank you for the little person that you are and the amazing human being you are yet to become. I am so very proud to call you my daughter. Happy Birthday, Sweet Girl!