It took us 3 years to conceive our daughter. It has now been 4 years since we decided we wanted to add to our family. As the years added on I convinced myself that I was Infertile, Inadequate, and a Failure as a Woman. I lost track of the fact that I can get pregnant, that I can have a healthy pregnancy and bring a life into this world. I no longer was looking to get pregnant for me.
I do not deny that more and more women are being diagnosed with health issues that contribute to their problems with getting pregnant. This has less to do with genetics and more to do with our environment and the products and food that we consume and use, but that’s a post for another day. What if I told you that the way you speak about your troubles with getting pregnant and the way you talk to yourself and others about those troubles may also be contributing to the fact that you have not conceived yet? This might be a little Woo-Hoo for some of you but stick with me here.
Who Do You Keep Trying For? The Infertility Struggle.
I’ve written previously about my difficulty in letting go of my fertility challenges. At that time, I wasn’t ready to make the decision to release my misconceptions around my fertility. However, I do feel like I understand a little more why, or rather who, I’ve been trying for. Through our work and treatment with our naturopath, I became familiar with Emotional Release Therapy or ERT. ERT was developed by Walter Weston and is defined as;
“a simple technique that permanently removes painful and traumatic along with self-destructive emotional states like depress, grief, fear, and anger.” It really is quite powerful and helped me get to the core of some issues I had been dealing with.
I took a little bit from what I had learned about ERT and decided that I was going to sit down and just write. I wrote about why I thought I should keep trying and why I thought I shouldn’t. I knew I was hitting on core issues when I would begin crying as I wrote something. There were a few thoughts that triggered the strongest emotional response, including who I kept trying for.
My Core Issues and Who I Have Been Trying For
- The first thought that triggered an emotional response was when I wrote that I didn’t want to disappoint my husband and daughter by not giving him a son and our daughter a sibling.
- The second thought that triggered an emotional response was that I felt like a failure as a woman because I couldn’t get pregnant naturally.
- The third thought that triggered an emotional response was that I didn’t think I was really meant to be a parent in the first place.
Talk about manifesting my own drama and pain! I was telling myself these things were true and had, in turn, made them true in my life. In a HuffPost article on the principles of manifesting, it says, “you’ve asked for everything that happens in your life. Your intentions create your reality.” It seems harsh, I mean, why would any woman ask for the pain of Infertility?
It took me quite a while to realize that you’re not asking for it in the sense that you go, “Okay Universe, please fill my life with pain and despair and the feeling of inadequacy and make me Infertile.” Rather you are manifesting these circumstances by how you speak to yourself and others about yourself. I allowed my doctors to label me as Infertile after my Endometriosis diagnosis and I believed them.
That right there put out into the Universe that I wanted to struggle with getting pregnant because Infertility is defined as, “the failure of a couple to conceive a pregnancy.” To make it worse, I then strengthened that by outlining all the ways I wanted to feel inadequate as a woman and a mother; I’m a failure as a woman, my body is broken, I’m a disappointment to my family, I’m a bad parent, and the list goes on. It’s no wonder I haven’t gotten pregnant again, I’ve been telling the Universe and God all the reasons I don’t want to be!
Let me now tell you how my own experience with manifesting has made me believe in its power. I’ve already said that it took us 3 years to conceive our daughter but what you may not know is that right before I became pregnant with my daughter I knew and told myself that I was going to be pregnant. I believed it in the core of my being and I didn’t accept any other alternative. At the time I didn’t know that I was manifesting what I wanted, I just accepted it as the truth. You know what happened, I got pregnant.
Now fast-forward one year after our daughter was born. My husband and I said we were going to start trying for baby number two. If I had understood that my thoughts and what I put out there is what helped me get pregnant the first time, I would have gone into the situation of trying for baby number two differently. Instead this is how it played out. My husband and I decided we wanted to try for baby number two, and I said something along the lines of, “we’ll try for 6 months and if it doesn’t work, we’ll just go back to our fertility doctor and do an IUI.”
What did the Universe give me, not a pregnancy because that wasn’t what I asked for. Your words and your thoughts have power! When I put that statement out there I was asking for the opposite of what I really wanted. So, after six months and no pregnancy, as I suspected would happen, I said, okay, I’ll just go to our fertility doctor. No biggie, that’s the only way I can get pregnant anyway. I didn’t trust my body enough to believe that it could get pregnant on it’s own and with each failed IUI attempt after that I trusted my body less and less.
Four years later, I’m just now realizing how my words and my thoughts around my body and my fertility have affected everything.
These are my core issues. The thing about Infertility is that it’s not just the emotional pain, it also brings out your cruelest critic, you. I alone had created these torments and ideas because I kept telling myself they were true. It’s a cruel cycle and the longer you’re on this journey, the more ingrained they become.
The Next Step
So what should your next step be? You might be a bit skeptical of what I just wrote but I challenge you to dig deep and trust. Look at your core issues and beliefs. What are they based upon? Are they true? Did a doctor tell you that you couldn’t get pregnant? Doctors are great, but why does what one doctor say have to become your absolute truth? Have you been telling yourself that your body failed you? Is that true? No, your body still allows you to breath, move, and live. Your body isn’t failing you.
What are your beliefs, do they align with your ultimate wish, which is to get pregnant? If not, let that crap go.
Let me ask you this, why do you think that so many women get pregnant after they start programs that have them visualizing themselves fertile and pregnant? Because they’re manifesting it, because they’re believing it and that’s the only truth they accept. That’s what visualizing is, it’s visualizing your dreams into your reality.
Letting go of your ingrained thoughts and beliefs is hard work! I’m not saying that it will be easy. Is it ever easy to look at ourselves and really face our stuff? Is it necessary though in order to move forward and start living the life we really want, absolutely.
So here is what I will leave you with as you start taking a closer look at who and what has been holding your fertility back. We’ll go on this journey together. Going forward, we will no longer refer to ourselves as Infertile, or struggling with Infertility, or any other version of that word that has us saying that we “fail to conceive.”
You don’t want to fail to conceive do you? I sure don’t want to. Instead only use the word, Fertile. By definition, Fertile means, “able to reproduce.” That’s your ultimate goal right, to reproduce, to have a child? So instead tell yourself, “I Am Fertile.” Say it over and over and over until you believe it and then keep saying it. Make it your reality.
I can’t wait to hear your experiences as a result of this mind shift. Leave me a comment or email me directly!
If you found that this post resonated with you then check out some of my other posts on our Fertility Journey.