As I was going about my tasks at my 9 to 5 today I found that my mind was wandering on to some blog drafts that I have sitting in my queue waiting to be completed. I was thinking that I should really put the finishing touches on them so that I can get them scheduled for the month. As my mind reviewed the titles and subjects I thought, “Do these reflect who you are?” I immediately answered, “No, not all of them.” There was no hesitation. I knew there were posts sitting, waiting to be completed and the reason was because they just didn’t reflect who I was.
Am I Being My Authentic Self? You Are Amazing.
Have you ever had those moments when you created something, whether it be something you wrote, painted, cooked, whatever and it just poured out of you? In those moments there was no hesitation or thought, just creating and it felt right. I have and when I finally stop I feel this joy and release that is amazing. Then there are those moments when I’m creating something that I thought I wanted to write but I just can’t get the thoughts to piece together.
I can feel myself trying to yank this idea out against its will. When that happens I just chalk it up to being distracted and leave it sit, thinking I just need to take a break and come back to it. Usually, those incomplete ideas stay sitting. That’s what happened with some of the posts I’ve got sitting in my queue. I had convinced myself that they were sitting there because I just needed to give myself time to form the right thoughts and find the right moment to come back to them. Until today, I didn’t really think that it could be because they weren’t authentic to who I am.
Too often in our daily lives, we say and do things that we think other people want us to. Whether that’s working in a career we hate, parenting a certain way, dressing a certain way, or insert your thing. I know I’ve done it countless times. I’ve lost track of the number of times I’ve read something and thought, “I can do that. I can be like that.”, only to lose interest within a week or fail miserably at trying whatever new thing I’ve convinced myself I want to do or be. I always thought it was because I have bad follow-through. I realize now it’s because these things don’t represent who I truly am.
Matt and I recently read Dr. Seuss’s “Happy Birthday To You” to Addie at bedtime and that one line embodies how we want Addie to grow up. Addie wanted to wear her Doc McStuffins jacket to the library this past weekend and as soon as she put it on she said, “No, I don’t want to wear it because people will laugh at me.” My first instinct was to get down to her level and tell her to never be afraid to truly do and be what she wanted. If she wanted to wear her Doc McStuffins jacket then she should wear her Doc McStuffins jacket and she should do so proudly. I don’t ever want my daughter to be afraid of being who she truly is for fear of how someone else might react.
Hearing Addie say those words broke my heart and made me see just how soon this desire to conform to how other people view us begins. I want Addie to grow up being proud of who she is but I can’t make her believe that and live that if I’m not demonstrating it. There is a great children’s story about a little girl named Molly Lou Melon. Molly Lou Melon is clumsy,buck-toothed and has a voice that sounds like a frog but her grandma has always told her to walk tall, smile big and sing loud. I love reading this story to Addie because it embodies how I want her to live.
That is why I want this year to be the year that I truly start living as my authentic self. I want that to be demonstrated in the way I live, parent, work and create. I want you, as my readers, to feel like you are seeing a part of me in my writing. That is why I have gone through my past posts and purged the ones that don’t fit in with who I truly am and I’ve deleted the drafts that have sat uncompleted. Going forward I won’t force ideas out that aren’t meant to come from me and I won’t try to conform to how I THINK you want me to be. I’m just going to be me and if you like it then I’m happy to have you on this journey with me. If you don’t resonate with what I create then I’m not meant to be a part of your life.
I would love to hear your answer to the question, Am I being my authentic self? You are amazing and I hope you can make this year the year of being you too.