I have one beautiful daughter who is intelligent, funny and literally doesn’t stop moving from the moment she wakes until she goes to bed at night. She has tested my patience more times than I can count, brought me to tears from frustration and anger more than a few times and brought me more smiles, joy and laughter than I could have ever imagined. She is my whole heart, my one and only baby and it’s hard.
I recently read a blog post by Kara Carrero, titled “To The Mom of One Child. You Are Not a Lesser Mother”. The title alone caught my eye but as I read the post I found myself tearing up. Without realizing it I discovered that I did feel like less of a mother because I have one child and not multiple children. Somehow I had unconsciously convinced myself that because I have one child that I couldn’t possibly understand the struggles of being a mom, after all, how hard can it be to take care of one child?
What kind of B.S. is that and why had I allowed myself to believe it? Kara points out that all moms, whether they have one child or multiple children have a tough time. We all still have days when we think we’re screwing it all up, where no matter what we do we can’t seem to figure out how to parent these tiny little humans that look to us for love, guidance, and a positive example. I am not a lesser mother because I have one child.
Kara also points out that as a parent to one child we are in a constant state of not knowing what the f*ck we’re doing. Every new situation has no reference point because we’ve never been there before, there are no other children to reference back to. Even if there were other children there is no guarantee that we will have experienced that situation with them as well. Parenting is hard. I’m not a lesser mother because I have one child.
Addie has pushed the boundaries of my predisposed thin patience almost to the breaking point more times than I can count. Addie is strong-willed and likes things her way. Something she very much got from me but that drives me crazy when I see it mirrored back. There was a huge learning curve for me, in order to learn how to deal with this little human who is trying to figure out who she is and where she fits in the scheme of our family dynamic. There are still days when it feels like I’m taking my millionth deep breath in order to not lose it. There are days where no matter what I do, I just can’t make her happy. Parenting is hard. I’m not a lesser mother because I have one child.
I have one child, I am a mother, and parenting is hard. These facts are not any less true because I have one child. We are all learning as we go and hope that we’re not totally screwing up these little humans that we have brought into the world. Instead of beating ourselves up because we have one child like we don’t quite deserve the right to complain about the struggles of motherhood, we need to be celebrating our parenting triumphs and do what we can to get through our parent fails. I am not a lesser mother because I have one child.
Repeat after me, “I am not a lesser mother because I have one child.” Do you relate to the feeling of inadequacy as a parent because you have one child?