There Is Hope After Heartache | Endometriosis, Infertility, Baby!

Today I want to speak to you about Infertility.  As defined by Resolve, The National Infertility Association, Infertility is defined as below.

Infertility is defined as the inability to conceive or carry a pregnancy to term after 12 months of trying to conceive.  If you are over the age of 35, the time of trying to conceive is reduced to 6 months.  It is important to see a specialist or a Reproductive Endocrinologist, or in some cases your OB/Gyn or urologist for a complete fertility work-up and diagnosis.

The physical aspects of blood tests, ultrasounds, and procedures that force your body to do things it should be able to do on its own are incredibly draining on your energy and your bank account.  As if that weren’t enough, the mental and emotional toll that infertility takes is the hardest of all.  There are feelings of inadequacy, jealousy, heartbreak, anger, and despair, just to name a few.  Each passing month that a woman suffering from infertility goes through without that positive pregnancy test is torture.

This post is meant to help you realize that there can be hope after heartache.  Every woman’s story and journey will be different but there is always hope.

There is hope after the infertility heartache. Read our journey to the baby we always dreamed of!

OUR STORY

Matt and I have dealt with Infertility, on and off, for 8 years.  That is 90% of our marriage. After 8 years, Infertility has become a normal part of my life.  I don’t know what it feels like to have a “surprise” pregnancy or to decide that I want a child and have it just happen.  What I do know, is the yearning to feel my body changing and growing as my child grows and moves inside my womb.  I know an ache to hold my newborn baby in my arms after ushering them into this world.  I know heartbreak.  I realize that I am luckier than most in that we were able to conceive eventually, but that in no way diminishes the feelings I have just mentioned.

OUR VISION OF OUR FAMILY

Matt and I always envisioned a life where our CHILDREN could grow up together, knowing the joys and pains of having siblings.  We both had that and we wanted our family to look the same.  After what we went through trying to conceive Addie  I knew that it would be unlikely that I would be able to become pregnant on my own.  So when Addie turned one, I told myself we would try for 6 months and if nothing happened we would go back to our fertility doctor and proceed with an IUI cycle.  It seemed like a normal thing and I had no reason to assume that it wouldn’t be successful because it had only taken one IUI cycle to become pregnant with Addie.

When 6 months passed that is what we did.  I sat in my doctor’s office and we discussed proceeding with an IUI cycle.  Both of us assumed that it would be successful and I would happily be carrying our next child in no time. When I was one day away from going in for my blood test to confirm my pregnancy, I got my period.  To say that I was devastated and angry is an understatement.  Why would God do this to us?  Hadn’t we been through enough?  We paid our dues, we deserved for this time to be easier.  I didn’t understand.

THE ANGER

Before Addie, I was so sad, all of the time.  This time, an anger consumed me like I had never felt before.  I was angry at God, at my body, and at any pregnant woman I saw.

After that devastating moment, I just couldn’t go back right away for another cycle.  I didn’t like forcing my body to do something that should come natural and I wasn’t ready emotionally for another disappointment.  So we took a few months off until I felt ready again.  The damage was already done, though, I didn’t trust myself or my body.  Before Addie, I was certain that we would have a child, and we did.  Before my failed IUI I was certain that we would get pregnant again.  It was after two other failed IUI treatments that I couldn’t do it anymore.  I started to think that we weren’t meant to have another child and the anger at that thought had consumed me.  I was giving up hope.

A NEW APPROACH

It wasn’t until after our move to Iowa that my mindset started to edge towards the hopeful again.  This time, I felt like the answer was to stop just treating the symptoms and finally treat the cause.  It was then that I found Gabriela.  Gabriela is one of Australia’s leading natural fertility experts and she built her practice based on the steps she had taken to become pregnant herself.  There was something about her that called to me.  I cautiously participated in her 14 Day Fertility Challenge.

The steps she asks you to take are a huge lifestyle and diet change and since we are living with my parents, it wasn’t just Matt, Addie and me that would be making adjustments.  We proceeded on Gabriela’s program though and spent the next year making changes to our diet, lifestyle, and way of approaching our infertility.  The difference in our health and understanding of why we haven’t gotten pregnant has helped to cautiously renew our hope of finally conceiving another child.

WHAT INFERTILITY HAS TAUGHT ME

I don’t know if we will grow our family by becoming pregnant, or if we’ll decide to adopt or decide that we’re happy just as we are as a family but I do know that we’re on the right path.  I’m also thankful for my Infertility.  I’m so thankful to God for bringing us our Addie and I’m thankful for the strength this struggle has given to me.  Infertility is teaching me to be thankful for the things I do have.  For better or worse, Infertility is a part of my family’s life and we have chosen to work with it instead of trying to futilely fight it.

You can conquer anything once you conquer your demons from within. See where I've been on my Infertility journey and how I came out the other side.

LET’S CONNECT

Are you struggling with Infertility?  What are some of the things you struggle with the most?  Please know that you are not alone and I would love to hear from you via a comment below, or you can feel free to contact me personally via email or by completing the form below.  Stay Strong and Hope.

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My name is Tasha and I am a 30-something Wife, Full-Time Working Mom, Midwest Girl, Blogger and lover of coffee, fashion, books, chocolate & yoga. My family and I live in Small Town, Iowa, where I was born and raised. Cookie Crumbs was launched as a way to express my creative needs and to share my journey as we navigate our new life in Iowa as a little family of three.

21 thoughts on “There Is Hope After Heartache | Endometriosis, Infertility, Baby!

  1. Thank you so much for sharing your journey with the world. My ex husband and I struggled for 7 years with infertility and my boyfriend now and I have struggled for 3 1/2. Up until recently I was gun shy about seeking fertility treatments. My ex absolutely refused to pursue it and ended up trading me in for a younger model, who was pregnant before out divorce was even finalized. I’ve had four miscarriages, one of them twins (we think-long story). We just had our most recent in May, a week before my 35th birthday. We decided it was time to stop pretending like something isn’t wrong with me and do something about it. As it turns out all the things were wrong with me- cystic ovaries, endometriosis, a fibroid tumor, and a uterine septum. The cysts we have “fixed” with hormones. The tumor, septum, and Endo were removed at the end of July. Now we wait. After we see if my September cycle is “normal” I’ll start Femara. I don’t know what we will do from there. My problem is staying pregnant, not getting there. Unexplained infertility and recurrent miscarriage are my diagnoses. I’m angry, mostly at all the doctors who told me nothing was wrong all those years, that it was a fluke. I hate them for not seeing the septum, and for not doing more to figure it all out. In three months my RE has been able to find all of it, and I didn’t even know what an RE was until three months ago. I’m jealous. My sister is pregnant and it’s her second happy accident, with no father in site. Here I sit with my devoted boyfriend, completely heartbroken and she gets to have two children that she honestly doesn’t deserve in my opinion. My nephew is my very favorite soul. He is kind, thoughtful, and so tender hearted and she acts like he is a burden, not all the time, but just enough for people to notice. We have no idea how much of the surgery bill from my laparoscopy and Hysteroscopy will be covered by my insurance, and he is between insurances right now (new job). We don’t know if my insurance will cover ANY of the Femara or other fertility treatments. We meet with the financial advisor at the RE’s office in October. We just wait…

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    1. Joy, thank you for sharing your story. I cannot imagine the heartbreak you have gone through with your miscarriages. My heart weeps for you. I completely understand your anger and jealousy, especially in the face of close-minded doctors and ungrateful people who don’t understand the gift they have been given. I was lucky with all of my previous procedures and treatments because I lived in a state that required insurance companies to cover fertility treatments. I am not so lucky where I live now so the financial burden is definitely something that weighs on our decision to proceed with any fertility treatments. My hope for you is that you are able to achieve your dream of having a family, however that many come about. The biggest struggle I have had on my journey is trust, trust in the process, trust in myself and my body and trust in the path I’m on Stay strong. I’m sending many happy thoughts your way.

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  2. This is actually a brave post you’ve written. I’m sure you inspired mommies out there who are having the same situation. I’m not a mom nor a wife, but reading this made me feel what it’s like to be one. God bless you and your family! I’m sure having that baby now is a blessing and grew your family with so much happiness

    Liked by 1 person

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